10 Lessons Humpty Dumpty Teaches Other Large Egg People

Posted on by admin | in Nannies

Most fairy tales and nursery rhymes have a moral to them of some sort, though some may be a bit difficult to discern. Some have origins of questionable pedigree, as in the case of Humpty Dumpty, which is believed to have been intended as a riddle. Nevertheless, we believe that even Humpty had a message for us, and today we’re sharing ten possibilities with you:

  1. If for some reason you’re not satisfied with a park bench or a chair like normal people and need to sit up on a wall, make sure you’ve got the number for the paramedics, and not waste time calling all the king’s horses and all his men.
  2. By the way, what exactly were all the king’s horses supposed to accomplish anyway? In the interest of saving valuable time, we’d suggest buying the glue straight from the hobby shop instead.
  3. Also, when sitting on a wall, an ovular-shaped egg-man might do well to wear a cup. It would help prevent wobbling, which, as you know, can lead to a great fall. That, plus the fact that your chances of making little humpties are greatly improved.
  4. It’s a good idea to keep a current photo of yourself in your wallet to assist those tasked with putting you back together again in the event that you haven’t learned your lesson. A blueprint for those who need to reassemble your scattered parts can make all the difference.
  5. For those occasions when only the cheap seats are available, why not consider going hard-boiled? You could hold together a lot better in the event of a mishap like Humpty’s, plus you stand a better chance of being able to bounce right back up instead of splattering.
  6. On the subject of available seats, it’s best to plan ahead and book event seating in advance. Take lunch breaks early to beat the crowds, and find a nice park bench closer to the ground. Bottom line: avoid the Bob Uecker seats by any means necessary.
  7. Since “Humpty Dumpty” actually refers to an alcoholic beverage, there’s no doubt a lesson in here somewhere about drinking and climbing walls. There’s a reason they refer to the state of inebriation as being a little tipsy, after all. Just some food for thought.
  8. Humpty Dumpty is the quintessential example of an egg “over easy”. He was poaching for quail from his perch on that wall. When the game warden spotted him, he scrambled and, unfortunately, became the recipe for egg drop soup.
  9. No one likes the smell of rotten eggs, so whenever you’re out on your own in a remote location, be sure to let someone else know egg-zactly where you plan to be and for how long. This way, if your return is delayed, it will be noticed.
  10. The main lesson that Humpty Dumpty teaches other large egg people is this: Even if an egg has just gotten laid, it’s no excuse for it to go carousing out in public drunk and acting recklessly. Friends don’t let eggs climb drunk.
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